Dating and Disabilities Part 2: Dealing with Dating Discrimination

You’re talking with someone with whom you find attractive.  The two of you are having a great conversation.  You ask the person for his or her contact information or to go out for a date and you get turned down.

Perhaps, you meet someone online (on an online dating site, Facebook, or a chatroom).  You seem to be clicking with this person.  After mentioning that you have a disability, the person stops contact or tells you that he or she is no longer interested.

Everyone gets rejected in the dating scene, but people with disabilities seem to experience much more dating discrimination, particularly from able-bodied people. You don’t need to let dating discrimination get you down.

Nurture Your Self-Esteem

Rejection stings.  It is important to not beat yourself up after experiencing a negative response from someone you wanted to get to know better.  Remind yourself about your strengths and positive qualities.  Do something nurturing for yourself, such as engaging in a favorite activity or watching a funny movie or TV show.  (Avoid romantic comedies.)  Talk to a trusted friend or family member about how you are feeling.  The goal is to ride out the pain while preserving your self-esteem.  The sting will pass, but your self-worth persists unless you let it deteriorate.

Don’t Take Rejection Personally

You are contending with ignorance, socialized attitudes and evolution.  Many able-bodied people have never been in contact with someone with a disability.  Such unfamiliarity breeds ignorance, which contributes to prejudice.  Some people look down upon people with disabilities for no good reason, other than unfamiliarity and ignorance.  They may want them as a co-worker or neighbor, but not as a lover.  Abled-bodied people may fear disapproval from others, or they may actually experience criticism from family and friends if they begin dating someone who has a disability.

Heterosexual men and women may want certain things from their partners that have evolved as a means to help preserve the survival of humankind.  Historically, men want women who can have their children and raise them to become healthy adults.   Men may think that women with disabilities are incapable of becoming pregnant and raising children effectively.  Women traditionally want a man who will protect them from harm and financially provide for them and their children.  They may believe that a man who is disabled requires too much caregiving, cannot protect them and cannot make enough money.  Not all able-bodied people have these beliefs.  Some able-bodied people are open to having relationships with people with a disability.  Finding one of these people to date can be challenging, but not impossible.

Photo by Garyegarye at http://www.flickr.com/photos/garyegarye/

Focus on You

You may want to withdraw from people or activities after experiencing rejection.  This can hurt your mood and self-esteem.  Spend time with family and friends.  Keep participating in activities that you enjoy.  You can do a new activity that you have wanted to try.  Being active will help you feel good about yourself, strengthen your interests and talents, and give you the opportunity to meet other people.

Be Open to People

Keep an open mind as you meet others.  Be open to meeting nice people with and without a disability.  Sometimes the person who you think is not your “type” turns out to be a great friend, fun date or your soul mate.

Part 3:  Meeting people online is coming soon.